Learning to Cope

For anyone who has ever had to say goodbye to a beloved pet you will,I am sure, understand what I mean when I say that I am struggling to cope. My house is empty, there are no noises, no panting, no snorring (yes my Zoe snored like no one else). Everytime Zoe moved her collar made noise and jingled, whenever I moved she followed. I used to call her my shadow...She always carried her green mitten in her mouth patiently putting it at my feet waiting for me to throw it in the house. She used her paws like hands and always shuffled her brown nose in my hand to tell me she was there. Her eyes were the deepest brown I have ever seen and for us nothing but love came through.
We had to put her down because of her aggressive behavior with others. We coudl not open the door without her showing teeth and trying to attack our visitors. We lived around her for 7 years but as she grew older the risk became greater. Zoe was handicapped always, she could hardly see, had no sense of smell, and was hearring impaired. So anyone taht came through, every noise, everthing was always a surprise to her. That is why she was agressive. She always regretted it but she could not control her reactions. Recently she started releiving herself in the house whether we were there or not. This became too much for us and our girls and we had to make the hard decision to say goodbye. It was probably the logical decision but my heart aches. I miss my best friend, and I feel that I betrayed her by letting her go. All she did was the best she could and we decided it was not enough. I hate myself for having gone through with it. I hate being home. I cannot forgive myself.